So it has definitely been a while since I posted anything, and usually I have tales of how busy I’ve been working on my writing or preparing for the next installment, or going on holiday. It has been a little different this time round. I did have a holiday way back in July, and I was preparing for the launch of Chasing Forever, but in all honesty the past few months I have really struggled finding any kind of motivation in my writing or finishing the editing for Chasing Forever. I don’t normally share too much of my personal life on social media, and maybe it isn’t the right thing to do, but I can’t give you guys excuses as to why I am not ready to release this book, not when so many of you have been supporting me right from the beginning.
So what I am going to do is start with the truth. I know everyone goes through some kind of loss in their life, and until you go through this kind of loss it is very hard to understand the profound effect it can have on a person. I was ten weeks pregnant when I miscarried, this happened in August. It is now November, I have been grieving longer than I was pregnant and no one is more confused by that than I am. People don’t really speak about miscarriage either, it’s like a secret taboo and I think women are expected after a certain amount of time to just get over it – especially if it happens in early pregnancy. It’s just seen to be “one of those things” but anyone who has been through it will tell you it is not just one of those things. You will feel like your body has betrayed you, you will feel like it is your fault and you will constantly try and pin point if there was anything that you did at a certain time that caused it. Imagine trying to carry on as normal with all this stuff going round in your head. Honestly I felt as if someone had died, and I didn’t know you could feel that way, months later, I didn’t know it would be this hard, to get over something that was only in existence for a few weeks.
At first when it happened I threw myself into editing Chasing Forever, it was of course a distraction, I was so caught up in the world of Kieran and Rome that I didn’t really have a chance to process what I was going through. This had its own challenges, and without giving too much away of the story, it’s funny how sometimes life imitates art, even before you’ve gone through something yourself. Once the first edit was done I lost interest, and to be honest I have not even looked at it since. There have been days when I have struggled to get out of bed; there have been days where I haven’t wanted to speak to anyone. I had a book launch planned for November and I couldn’t even find the enthusiasm to start planning it, it has now been rescheduled to February, do I feel any better about planning it then? Not really, but I know that life has to move on eventually and maybe sharing this part of my life will help me to heal. I don’t have to pretend that everything is fine anymore. That’s been the hardest part for me, having to act like this huge life changing event hasn’t happened to me because you’re not really meant to speak about it are you? What I really want to do is say to everyone, this happened to me, no I am not okay, but eventually I will be.
I think this has been my longest and most emotional post to date but maybe I just needed to say everything I have been thinking and keeping to myself, maybe people will understand why I am not myself, why I have been so quiet. I cannot just go back to being my happy go lucky self, not yet anyway. It’s been a tough few months but one day at a time I will get back to my normal and start to feel like myself again.
With all that being said – and I hope I haven’t depressed you guys too much – the good news is that the cover is finally ready, it has been for a few weeks, I just wasn’t in the right headspace to share it with anyone. I am not completely sure when Chasing Forever will be ready. The first edit is complete and hopefully I will start on the second edit soon, of course I will keep you updated on this. I hope you all like the cover, I know I do 🙂
As always thank you for your support and for your patience while Chasing Forever is finalised.
Love and Hugs,
P.S Tickets will go on sale soon for the launch party; space is limited and there will only be 120 tickets on sale, so keep an eye out! J